If I could do anything

If I could do anything I would apologize. I would ease all the hurt I have caused. Friendships, partners, roommates, spouses, and so many that I can no longer reach.

I would heal the wounds my ignorance and chaos left behind. I would apologize for the times my fear controlled me and everyone around me. I would apologize for the pain and make it all go away.

I can’t though. I have when I felt it would be welcome. Well, I have apologized, but I can’t make the pain go away. I can’t remove the effects I had on people. Maybe I can help with healing but I can never undo the wounds.

I will never be able to fix what I have done but I am trying to learn. I will always try to make amends where I can. I will try to not make the same mistakes again. That said, the more I learn about who I am the more I realize how I have hurt people. The thing is, I can’t fix or prevent what I don’t know about. I still have to find my way through and hope that I am doing less harm and learning enough.